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Spectator competition winners: crossing a haiku with a limerick

3 March 2019

9:30 AM

3 March 2019

9:30 AM

We already have short-form hybrids such as the clerihaiku (here’s one from Mary Holtby):

Peter Palumbo
Cries, ‘Mumbo-jumbo!’ and rails
At the Prince of Wales

And the limeraiku:

A haiku will do
For a limerick trick, called
A Limeraiku

That was by Arthur P. Cox.

And now clever Bill Webster, veteran competitor, has come up with the haikick, a new version of the haiku-limerick combination.

You responded to the call for topical haikicks with your customary vim and wit, and drew on such notables as William Spooner, Abraham Lincoln and Jeremys Clarkson and Paxman.

The winners below are rewarded with a tenner per entry printed.

Hugh King
Abraham Lincoln
Once made America great,
When showing the place
That honour and grace
Held at the heart of the state.


Kim Brennan
Jeremy Paxman,
who once grilled MPs on toast,
chucked the third degree
and retired to be
an upmarket quiz show host.

Gary Lineker,
football player, then chatter,
tweets Guardiloo views
on what’s in the news
and seems to think they matter.

G.M Davis
Margaret Thatcher
Must be restless in the tomb
As Theresa May,
Going runaway,
Leads the nation to its doom.

Robert Schechter
George W. Bush
Is someone I used to diss.
‘He’s like Forrest Gump,’
I cried. Now, with Trump,
He’s someone I somehow miss.

Basil Ransome-Davies
Vladimir Putin
Is a devil in disguise.
You’ll see if you trace
The lines of his face
He’s got secret policeman’s eyes.

Jeremy Corbyn:
Ooh, there’s a difficult man.
His heart is quite pure,
But nobody’s sure
Whether the man has a plan.

Frank McDonald
Nicola Sturgeon
Is a lass who loves stating
What fun it would be
If Scotland were free.
She’s a lady in waiting.

Philip Machin
Margaret Beckett
Nominated Corbyn to
Be Labour leader
Alas dear reader
A most silly thing to do.

Alan Millard
William Spooner
Would certainly not admire
MPs all at war
And, cocked to the shore,
He’d think they’d all gone way hire.

D.A. Prince
Jeremy Clarkson
behaved in ways unruly
so the BBC
sent him (less his fee)
off to ultima thule.

Rob Stuart
Vladimir Putin
May have influenced voters
Into electing
A truth-neglecting
Russian asset as POTUS.

David Silverman
Pep Guardiola:
King of Catalonia!
He’ll come out on top,
Ahead of Herr Klopp —
Of the two, the moanier.

Andrew Wilcox
Theresa M. May
Worked out a compromise pact:
To leave the EU
While remaining too.
No good, whichever you backed.

David Duncan Jones
Michael O’Leary
Flies you to many places
Much cheaper than chips,
As long as your trips
Don’t involve any cases!

Brian Allgar
Jeffrey P. Bezos,
The multi-billionaire whizz,
Complains of blackmail.
It seems it’s a Tale
Of Two Peckers. (One is his.)

Your next challenge is to submit a recently discovered lost poem by a well-known poet which make us see him or her in a new light. Please email (wherever possible) entries (16 lines maximum) to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 13 March.


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