Congratulations to Radio 4’s Today programme for the amusing item on Brexit football chants. Very good. Radio 4 being Radio 4, however, there was a slight Remain bias to their chants. Also they lacked something of the sweet nihilism that all the best football chants have.
So here, in the interests of balance and free speech, are a few we came up with in The Spectator office yesterday. We just about resisted the natural urge to rhyme with Jean-Claude Juncker, and now we dare to dream that one of them will be sung at the Kaliningrad stadium tonight for England’s match against Belgium.
Please send your own chants (preferably with audio file) to email@example.com and put Brexit Football Chant Competition in the subject field. We’ll give a bottle of Pol Roger for the best.
1) Get your country out! Get your country out! Get your country out for the lads!
2) Friction on our borders! Friction on our borders! La laaaa la la! La laaa la la!
3) He’s here, he’s there! He’s a citizen of nowhere: Barnier, Barnier!
4) If you all got hacked by Putin, clap your hands! If you all got hacked by Putin, clap your hands! If you all got hacked by Putin, all got hacked by Putin, all got hacked by Putin, clap your hands!
5) M-A-X, F-A-C, Max Fac is the deal for me!
6) Oh Brexy Brexy! We keep the exports in, the imports out, we do Boris cokey and we trade around, and that’s what it’s all about!
(to the tune of Hokey Cokey)
7) Juncker, what’s the score? Juncker, Juncker, what’s the score?
6) Vindaloo! Vindaloo! We’re going to score more trade than you!
8) Gammon, gammon! Gammon, gammon! Gammon, gammon, gammon!
(To the tune of: ‘Come on, Come on…’)
9) EU don’t know what you’re doing!