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A digital toolkit for young Tories

15 January 2018

1:44 PM

15 January 2018

1:44 PM

OMG. New Conservative chairman Brandon Lewis has announced a ‘digital toolkit’ to help young right-wingers battle the Left on social media.

Lewis wants ‘more of our activists and people who support some of the principles we’re outlining… getting out there in the digital world saying so and spreading that message with us’.

To that end, he will be supplying Tory students with ‘graphics, Gifs and videos’ to communicate party values and policy positions.

Srsly? Srsly. Lulz.

I’ve had a sneak peek at one of Lewis’s starter packs. It looks promising…

Draw on all the latest online internet memes to get your point across

Say things like:

‘Charlie bit your finger? When will Sadiq Khan tackle London’s violent crime epidemic?’

‘Imma let you finish but are you aware Labour has not costed its plans for renationalising the railways?’

‘Mr Dodson would not have to hide his kids, his wife, or his husband under tough sentencing rules supported by the Conservatives.’

‘We want to see more nursery places so children will no longer interrupt your Skype interviews with the BBC News channel.’

Be upfront about the challenges we face

Take time to explain our values to the uninitiated

Kittens

Millennials love kittens. Sleeping kittens. Yawning kittens. Kittens massaging other kittens. We can’t give them job security or a chance at home ownership but, by God, we can give them kittens.

 

 

A firm grasp of banter is essential


Mock Labour’s talking points at all opportunities

 

When Corbyn criticises us over online abuse

 

Target your posts to the emerging people-born-after-the-Aden-Emergency demographic

Make reference to the latest motion pictures

Consider creating memes based on the hit Liam Neeson film Taken, which was recently in theatres.


‘Here is Lord Adonis’s detailed and workable proposal for keeping us in the single market and customs union’


Highlight Tory strong points like defence


Reach out to female voters


Popular culture references

Try to include up-to-the-minute youth patois, such as ‘Catch me outside. How about that?’, ‘epic failure’, and ‘Wassup, my housies?’ Peppering your tweets with social media colloquialisms will increase their appeal to the wireless internet generation. e.g. ‘I say, did anyone catch that Westminster Hall debate on social care funding? David TC Davies totally PWNED [sic] Liz Kendall, laughing out loud, suitable emoji, relevant hashtag.’

 


When someone asks if we think animals feel pain

Homer Disappears Into a Shrub


Finally, ask yourself: ‘WWJCD?’

What Would James Cleverly Do?


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