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Are you fit to be British? Take the Ukip test

28 April 2014

11:41 AM

28 April 2014

11:41 AM

If you believe that Ukip supporters love Britain and cannot abide Europe, look at the report by the pollster Peter Kellner in the current issue of Prospect. Ukip fears Britain has:

‘gone off the rails. Hence the fact that 57 per cent of Ukip supporters would prefer to migrate to mainland Europe if they could.’

To put it another way, no one hates his country more that the bawling patriot. The reasons for Ukip’s loathing are many, and in some instances understandable: falling living standards, politically correct double-standards, mass immigration, poor public services, political corruption and the timeless complaint of the old and disappointed that ‘things ain’t what they used to be’. I am all for a conservatism that preserves the best of the past, but to pretend that Ukip isn’t home to the worst of Britain is to be either self-serving or delusional. To then bend over backwards and say, as so many of our mainstream commentators do, that Ukip may be rough around the edges but is still a respectable movement is just asinine.

Let me spell it out: Ukip is inspired by hatred. The sight of their fellow citizens drives Ukip supporters into foaming rages or indeed to France or Spain, not arguments about the Common Agricultural Policy. Perhaps you are one of the hated. To find out, ask yourself

Are you black?
In which case, you probably should leave. After Lenny Henry complained that there were not enough black faces on television, William Henwood, a Ukip candidate in Enfield, said, ‘He should emigrate to a black country. He does not have to live with whites’.

Even those who say we should understand a little more and condemn a little less, ought to have snapped after reading this story in the Observer. I can’t think of anyone more British than Lenny Henry. Yet Ukip candidates pretend that he is an alien intruder; or argue that his citizenship is conditional on Henry doffing his cap, biting his tongue and saying nothing that might disturb foul-minded creeps.

Are you Jewish?

A web post bearing the name of Anna-Marie Crampton, a Ukip candidate in East Sussex, opined that the Second World War and the gas chambers were a Jewish conspiracy to bring about the creation of modern Israel. ‘Only the Zionists could sacrifice their own in the gas chambers … It was thanks to them that six million Jews were murdered in the war.’ I should add that Crampton claimed that a person or persons unknown had stolen her identity.

Grant French, meanwhile, a UKIP councillor took to Twitter to say that Britain’s Jewish ‘masters’ stopped questioning of the Holocaust. Perhaps his identity was stolen too.

Are you Muslim?
British muslims for secular
You might say you are, and a law-abiding and democratic British citizen as well. But according to the Facebook page of Magnus Nielsen, a Ukip candidate in Camden, ‘Islam is organised crime under religious camouflage. Any Muslim who is not involved in organised crime is not a “true believer”, practising Islam as Mohammed commanded.’

Are you Greek – that’s right, Greek – or Turkish come to that?

David Challice, a senior party official and activist in Exeter, in his book The View From Here, quotes Brian Sewell approvingly:

‘The Greek driver seeing a dog in the road a hundred yards ahead will accelerate and do his damnedest to run it down for sport; a Turk will maintain his speed and course, and if the dog happens to be in the way, will run it over – the one is vile the other fatalistic.’

Are you the child of refugees?

Andre Lampitt, who starred in the latest Ukip party political broadcast, said of Ed Miliband, whose parents fled Nazi armies to find sanctuary here:

‘Miliband is not a real Brit. I hope he never gets to be PM! He was only born here. I believe in being British. It is earned through generations of existence not through birth.’

In the Ukip propaganda, Lampitt complained about foreign workers taking British jobs, even though he had come here from Zimbabwe. Another Ukip ‘supporter’ in the broadcast was a jobbing actor from Ireland. Farage himself decided that the best person qualified to be his secretary was his German wife. When I said Farage was England’s greatest living hypocrite, I was not overstating the case against him.

I accept that the liberal-left has used the charge of racism so promiscuously it has blunted its force and diluted its meaning. Its hyperbole has lost the left the respect of many people who now lack the ability to recognise real racists when they are in plain view.

Let me help them out: these Ukip candidates are real racists; not politically incorrect truth-tellers or ordinary, decent folk, who speak their minds, but the real thing.

So far we have been dealing only with immigrants and the descendants of immigrants – blacks, Asians, Jews, Indians, Pakistanis, Greeks and – lest we forget – Turks too. But suppose you can trace your family back to the Norman Conquest or Saxon shore? Surely, you’d be OK. But before assuming that you are a good enough Briton for Ukip, ask yourself

Are you a woman?
Stuart Wheeler, is a cadaverous gambling tycoon, and a man who would be alone in the kitchen at parties were he not stinking rich. He is stinking rich and funds Ukip, and therefore his courtiers humour him. He said that women were ‘absolutely nowhere’ when they compete with men in sports where they are not physically disadvantaged, such as chess or poker. (He should try telling that to Vicky Coren, by the way.) For this reason, ‘I would just like to challenge the idea that it is necessary to have a lot of women or a particular number on a board.’

What applies in the boardroom and at the poker school applies in Ukip. Its only female MEP, Marta Andreasen, who recently threatened to leave the party, said Farage was an ‘anti-women Stalinist dictator’. He neither liked nor respected ‘intelligent, professional’ women, she said, and thought their place was in ‘the kitchen or in the bedroom’.

Are you gay?

A UKIP councillor blamed the recent floods on the Government’s decision to legalise gay marriage. David Silvester said the prime minister had acted ‘arrogantly against the Gospel,’ and the Lord had punished the Thames Valley as a result.

Still, if you wish to save your soul and keep your neighbours dry, you could always work out. John Sullivan, a Ukip candidate, explained that physical exercise in schools can ‘prevent homosexuality’. This must be the reason, as a comic on Have I Got News for You explained, why you never see gay men in gyms.


Are you a patriot?

This may seem an odd question, but as I said earlier no one hates their country as much as the people who stomp around bellowing that they love it the most. Understand this paradox and you will understand Farage’s admiration for Putin. That MI5’s director has complained that his staff must spend so much time monitoring Russian spies, they cannot keep tabs on Islamists, does not bother Farage. That Putin has helped Assad turn Syria into a mass grave or has sent his armies into an independent European country, does not concern him either. Putin is against the European Union and that is all that matters to Farage and the leaders of Europe’s other far-right parties. (I don’t doubt that the new tsar’s persecution of homosexuals also heightens their admiration.)

Are you a member of Ukip?

You might think you would be safe then. But Ukip is Nigel Farage’s personality cult. He allows no competition and has no internal rivals who might threaten his preeminence. And as for Ukip members who talk back…The Times reported:

‘Nigel Farage and other senior Ukip officials traduced colleagues who raised concerns about how the party handled millions of pounds in funds. Mr Farage called a senior female Ukip official a “stupid woman” and told her to “shut up” when she asked for an independent audit into party finances, according to Delroy Young, formerly Ukip’s only black executive. Another member was allegedly physically threatened.’

Menahwile Marta Anderson, who complained about Farage’s Stalinism, told the BBC:

‘I’ve been bullied, in private situations, for decisions I have made by Nigel. I have been accused of being disloyal, breaching confidence and breaching my contract with the party. There’s an attitude that either you keep silent about everything that’s been going on in the party or suffer the consequences.’

Where is the opposition to this bunch of dirty old men, who are heading to victory in a national election? Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats have at least fought back, and my colleagues on the Times and Observer have done some decent investigative journalism. But Labour stays silent because it hopes Ukip will split the Tory vote. The Tories stay silent because they fear that many of their supporters agree with Farage, and the broadcasters don’t apply the same standards they apply to other politicians because, well, Farage is a character who brightens up their dreary schedules.

Every time there is a scandal, Ukip’s opponents and the media let Farage get away with saying that the racist, sexist or gay-hating Ukip candidate is a rotten apple he will throw away.

But the scandals are so frequent you have to conclude that it is not the rotten apple that needs throwing out but the whole stinking barrel.

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