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Vinnie Jones does not do irony

3 September 2013

5:53 PM

3 September 2013

5:53 PM

Thuggish footballer turned terrible actor Vinnie Jones has gone all man-down-the-pub over the state of the nation. Speaking from his LA home to the Radio Times, the US immigrant said:

‘There’s nothing to come back to here. To me, England is past its sell-by date. It’s not the country I grew up in. It’s a European country now. If someone blindfolded you and put you on a plane in LA, and you landed at Heathrow and they took it off, you wouldn’t have a clue where you were. I just think we should get our own house in order before we open our doors. It’s mind-boggling to me.’ 

After giving England two smoking barrels, is it pedantic of me to remind all concerned that Jones played international matches in red rather than white?

Thankfully, he will not be returning anytime soon to fix this alleged problem for us English. Asked about the chances of Jones joining Ukip, he replied: ‘You what?… I’m not familiar with them.’ Panic over. But it’s a blow for lazy political hacks, robbed of thousands of potential column inches forever.

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