Former Apprentice contestant Katie Hopkins, who has become a ‘disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’-style rent-a-quote in middle age, was never going to applaud the appearance of names like Riley, Isla and Mia in the top ten popular baby names of last year. In high dudgeon, she interrupted elevenses to hit the airwaves:

‘These are the sort of names you can hear parents screaming across the playground, screaming because they have not done their home learning, they are the sort of people that choose names like this.’

Hopkins, a professional snob, reiterated that she uses names as ‘a shortcut, a very efficient shortcut to deciding who my children play with.’ Apparently she is speaking for Britain’s silent snobbish majority: ‘this does happen in the world, there are a lot of other people out there like me who use these shortcuts.’ But we had no time to digest this piece of playground intelligence because Hopkins was on a roll:

‘…there are lots of mothers out there who hear names like Princess and Destiny, and they cringe… I think it’s very important to give your child an intelligent sounding name to set them up for an intelligent future.’

Well, the producers of this mid-morning entertainment had a surprise in store for Ma Hopkins. Enter her fellow guest: collared of shirt, clipped of accent and smart of hair, he was a white upper middle class Oxonian named Tyrone. He packed the plumiest punch: “I’ve actually found it a help. People remember the name Tyrone. I mean Katie Hopkins? Who is going to remember a name like that?’

Too true, too true. But a chap really ought to shave, what?

Tags: Celebrity, Children, Family, Office of National Statistics, Parenting