Mr Steerpike was overcome with joy when he read the press release from Pippa Middleton’s publishers. It told him that her forthcoming book Celebrate will be a ‘useful, practical and inspiring journey into British-themed occasions, focusing on tradition.’ Well, thank goodness for that. What a treat. Over to the sister-in-waiting:

This book is designed to be a comprehensive guide to home entertaining, based on my experience in my family’s party business, Party Pieces, and work for London-based events company, Table Talk.’

Two plugs in one sentence. Not bad.

‘I hope it offers welcome inspiration and ideas, most of which needn’t leave you alarmingly out of pocket. Entertaining on any scale can be stressful and daunting so this is all about finding ways to manage and enjoy the process.’

Yes, that alternative flotilla certainly looked like a right pain in the neck to organise.

‘I hope you will see this as a feel-good book with ideas to look forward to each month, providing threads of lasting, happy memories, be it around a table lit with candles in winter, outside on a rug in summer or in the autumn, perched on a leaf-covered bench, hot drink in hand.’

This is not a spoof by the way. Please, no more.

But of course there’s more. The MD of her publishing house gushes: ‘Pippa Middleton’s first book is a truly inspiring treasure trove.’ Is it really a trove? With the constant plugs and less than subtle nods to her family’s new life, this diarist thinks it vacuous.

Tags: Books, Celebrity, Monarchy, Pippa Middleton, publishing, Royals