Penny Mordaunt, the Conservative MP for Portsmouth North, become the second women in the Queen’s reign to give the Loyal Address — Parliament’s formal thanks to the Monarch for her speech — this afternoon. It’s a fantastic speech, full of gags which had the House in stitches.

As James remarked, Tory associations will be queueing up to book her for after dinner speeches. Listen to the audio in full here:

 
Don’t have time for the whole thing? Here are the highlights:

Mordaunt was one of two women involved in the Loyal Address – it was seconded by Lib Dem Annette Brooke. Are the two the ‘Thelma and Louise’ of the Parliament? No: ‘Unlike a 1966 Thunderbird, this coalition is right-hand drive’.

She praised her training by the Royal Navy (with which she is a reservist) – but was a lecture on ‘how to care for your penis and testicles in the field’ sufficiently appreciative of the fact that some of those attending had been ‘issued with the incorrect kit’?

Her appearance on TV diving competition Splash! meant money for the Hilsea Lido – but the loss of dignity:

 
A Tudor Manor has been saved for use by the community in Mordaunt’s constituency. And it’s been named for the man who made it possible:

Mordaunt is the second woman to give the Loyal Address in Queen Elizabeth II’s reign. The first was Lady Tweedsmuir – who gave a better account of herself than Hugh Gaitskell, the leader of the opposition, who was replying. But Gaistkell’s remarks put today’s leader of the opposition, Ed Miliband, in something of a bind…

Tags: 2014 Queen's Speech, Audio, Penny Mordaunt