In a dawn raid today police swooped on children’s legend This Old Man for alleged sexual assault against countless toddlers and took him to a police station.

“We have several thousand allegations that Mr This Old Man repeatedly abused children under the guise of a sort of sinister numbers game.  We can only praise those who have had the bravery to come forward to report these crimes. These are people who have been traumatised, in their infancy, by a trusted entertainer who proceeded to touch them inappropriately – or ‘playing nick-nack’, as the depraved old paedo put it.”

The leader of an anti-child abuse charity, Ms Jan Cosworth-Harridan, said:

“Let us be clear. It was not acceptable to play so called nick-nack on a child’s knee in the past and it is not acceptable now. These people’s live have been ruined.”

It will not stop, this stuff.

Tags: Police, police raid, Sex