Here’s an idea for a series which could run and run: hypocritical corporate toss. The chocolate and pet food manufacturer Mars has demanded that a chippy in Stonehaven must put up a disclaimer in its shop advising that Mars does not approve of the restaurant’s delicacy, deep fried Mars bars. If I were the owner of the chip shop I would tell them to get stuffed, but this little bit of bullying and sanctimony is not the point of my story. It was the statement from some horrible corporate arse in Mars, justifying the demand. Deep fried Mars bars ‘goes against our company’s policy of encouraging healthy lifestyles.’
Fabulous. They make some of the most fattening food on God’s earth. Including Maltesers, which these stunted loons try to pass off as a sort of diet food when each packet contains roughly the same amount of calories as a packet of cheese and onion crisps. I can’t be alone in hoping that whoever made that fatuous statement is immediately coated in batter and plunged into boiling animal fat for three minutes before being served to a morbidly obese Scotsman for a mid-morning snack.