I’ve been cheering for the Dutch as a sort of thank-you for them humiliating Spain. But there was something thoroughly unpleasant about the way they dispatched Mexico, the world’s great footballing under-achievers. The fairly horrible, if undoubtedly talented, Arjen Robben dived for the penalty which won the game. It may have been a foul, of a sort – although I don’t think so, and mere contact should never be enough to warrant a foul – but whatever, the bald Dutchman dived, and should have been booked.

Previously, toothless Uruguay had deservedly lost to Colombia: we are beginning to understand just how utterly shite England were, no? England bottom of a group in which the triumphant top two all go out in the next round (probably). That’s how utterly shite. I hope they KNOW they were utterly shite, but one assumes that their ludicrous salaries will assuage any sense of utter uselessness, any self-realisation. They will march on, to be utterly shite in the Euros.

Tags: England, Mexico, Netherlands, World Cup 2014