Nige,

I write to warn you about a certain Italian with a big disturbing beard called Mister Beppe Grillo — your new friend who you met in Brussels on Wednesday. We are both, you and me, men of Kent. You Sevenoaks, me Westerham. We have much in common. You Dulwich College, me King’s Canterbury. We are both rebels because we both — despite being the wrong side of 50 – drink and smoke way too much — regardless.

But, these days, I live in Italy. And you do not. So take it from me babe: leave well alone the Italian fried-air salesman Grillo who is an ‘ex’ communist and ‘ex’ comedian. You met him in Brussels to see if your Ukip can ally with his M5S movement in the European Parliament.

Forget about it, old trout. Here’s why. His movement is an internet copy and paste version of Benito Mussolini’s fascism. He wants to destroy parliamentary democracy and political parties. He wants instead what he calls ‘direct democracy’ at the press of a button on the computer (controlled only by him and his company which owns his web site). His latest idea is an online people’s tribunal to put on trial and jail Italian politicians, businessmen and journalists.

Not a lot a lot of people know this but Beppe Grillo is also a convicted killer. In December 1981 a car he was driving crashed and careered into the abyss. He threw himself out of the door and survived. But his three passengers died: husband, wife and their son aged 9. He was found guilty of manslaughter but never went to jail. Worse, he never once even bothered to contact the surviving daughter.

Ok, so let’s get down and dirty and talk politics. Listen, Nigel, when push comes to shove, Grillo does not agree with you on anything. You are against immigration but Grillo is not. His ‘movement’ orchestrated the abolition last October by the Italian Parliament of the decriminalization of illegal immigration. As a result — thanks to that green light beamed out to Africa from Italy — in the first four months of this year alone 26,650 illegal immigrants have arrived from North Africa on the southern shores of Italy – compared to 40,000 in the whole of 2013.

You, Nigel, are in favour of the free market. Grillo isn’t. He rants and raves against capitalism and the banks and tout ca. He calls it ‘La casta’. You, Nigel, are exceedingly sceptical about man-made global warming but Grillo cannot get enough of it. His campaign slogan is Vaffa! (Fuck off) – Vaffa to everything basically, except wind farms – everywhere. Grillo loves wind farms.

You, Nigel, are against both the Euro and the European Union. Grillo, on the other hand, like the white man, speaks with forked tongue on this subject. He refers mysteriously to a possible referendum at some unspecified point on the euro but that is as far as it goes. Grillo is, let us remember, an Italian. And he, like the Italians, is incapable of believing in, let alone operating, a free market in anything.

So here’s my bottom line Nigel: far better an alliance with Marine Le Pen who you have rejected. Madame Le Pen is neither racist nor anti-Semitic regardless of what the metro-media would have you believe. Nor is she, as is Grillo, an ‘ex’ communist, or an ‘ex’ comedian.

Mine’s a pint. You know it makes sense.
Cheers.

Tags: 2014 European Elections, Beppe Grillo, Marine Le Pen, Nigel Farage