X

Create an account to continue reading.

Registered readers have access to our blogs and a limited number of magazine articles
For unlimited access to The Spectator, subscribe below

Registered readers have access to our blogs and a limited number of magazine articles

Sign in to continue

Already have an account?

What's my subscriber number?

Subscribe now from £1 a week

Online

Unlimited access to The Spectator including the full archive from 1828

Print

Weekly delivery of the magazine

App

Phone & tablet edition of the magazine

Spectator Club

Subscriber-only offers, events and discounts
 
View subscription offers

Already a subscriber?

or

Subscribe now for unlimited access

ALL FROM JUST £1 A WEEK

View subscription offers

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

Thank you for creating an account – Your subscriber number was not recognised though. To link your subscription visit the My Account page

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

X

Login

Don't have an account? Sign up
X

Subscription expired

Your subscription has expired. Please go to My Account to renew it or view subscription offers.

X

Forgot Password

Please check your email

If the email address you entered is associated with a web account on our system, you will receive an email from us with instructions for resetting your password.

If you don't receive this email, please check your junk mail folder.

X

It's time to subscribe.

You've read all your free Spectator magazine articles for this month.

Subscribe now for unlimited access – from just £1 a week

You've read all your free Spectator magazine articles for this month.

Subscribe now for unlimited access

Online

Unlimited access to The Spectator including the full archive from 1828

Print

Weekly delivery of the magazine

App

Phone & tablet edition of the magazine

Spectator Club

Subscriber-only offers, events and discounts
X

Sign up

What's my subscriber number? Already have an account?

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

Thank you for creating an account – Your subscriber number was not recognised though. To link your subscription visit the My Account page

Thank you for creating your account – To update your details click here to manage your account

X

Your subscriber number is the 8 digit number printed above your name on the address sheet sent with your magazine each week. If you receive it, you’ll also find your subscriber number at the top of our weekly highlights email.

Entering your subscriber number will enable full access to all magazine articles on the site.

If you cannot find your subscriber number then please contact us on customerhelp@subscriptions.spectator.co.uk or call 0330 333 0050. If you’ve only just subscribed, you may not yet have been issued with a subscriber number. In this case you can use the temporary web ID number, included in your email order confirmation.

You can create an account in the meantime and link your subscription at a later time. Simply visit the My Account page, enter your subscriber number in the relevant field and click 'submit changes'.

If you have any difficulties creating an account or logging in please take a look at our FAQs page.

Coffee House Culture House Daily

Spectator competition winners: protest songs for the Donald’s detractors

12 February 2017

10:30 AM

12 February 2017

10:30 AM

You were invited to follow in the footsteps of Green Day and Moby and provide Donald Trump’s detractors with a protest song.

Where’s Woody Guthrie when you need him, you might ask. Well, as it turns out, the Dust Bowl Troubadour was well acquainted with the Trump family. In the early Fifties Guthrie was a tenant of the Donald’s father, Fred Trump, and the literary scholar Will Kaufman has discovered lyrics he wrote at that time excoriating ‘Old Man Trump’’s racist bigotry.

Billy Bragg has set the bar pretty high with his excellent reworking of that other folk icon Bob Dylan’s ‘The Times They Are a-Changin’’ (‘The Times They Are a-Changin’ Back’) but Alan Millard’s Dylan-esque entry was well done too and earns him the bonus fiver. The rest take £30.

Alan Millard
Come gather around, I’ve a sad tale to tell
Of a bigot and bully, the bigwig from Hell
With hair like a beaver’s tail plastered in gel
But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash
      in the pan.

He’s macho misogynist, coarse to the core,
A groper and grabber of pussies galore
Who claims it’s all locker room talk, nothing more,
But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash
      in the pan.

You Mexicans, Muslims and immigrants all,
He believes he can bar you by building a wall
And it won’t be like Jericho’s, destined to fall,
But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash
      in the pan.

He’s Putin’s prize puppet, a bolshie buffoon
With the farcical face of a comic cartoon
Who thinks he’s a guru yet acts like a goon,
But he’s only a flash in the pan, man, only a flash
      in the pan.


Bill Greenwell
We’ve seen your tower in NY
About as subtle as tsetse fly
And the lassies shout as you grope each thigh
Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:]

When your words smell high, when your words sink low
Through the ranks of yes-men you will go
From the malls to the walls of Mexico
Donald You’re A Loser

With your waterboards and your slaughter eyes
And your private bankrupt enterprise
And the stretchy tissue of your lies
Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:]

With your phoney facts and your tactless tweets
And your vacuum-packaged team of cheats
Each lad and lassie here repeats
Donald You’re A Loser [Chorus:].

Mike Morrison
O Captain! My Captain! Mark well what you
      have done,
Convinced the people (and yourself) that you
      are It, The One.
There’s more to running government than
      ‘Putin’ on the Ritz
And First Ladies should be diplomats behind
      the teeth’n’tits.
But all’s up, the die is cast,
The Lord of Misrule rules;
Down Pennsylvania Avenue
Now steams the Ship of Fools.

O Donald! Our Donald! You self-regarding
      chump —
We should have voted Homer Simpson, even
      Forrest Gump.
Whatever were we thinking, we must have lost
      the plot:
You claim to be a patriot? Walt Whitman you
      are not;
Rather, an orange-hair-job clown,
A pimped-up masquerade;
You’ve Trumped the world by trumpery,
The price will now be paid.

Max Gutmann (to the tune of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’)
Pipelines. Pruitt. Hiring freeze. Keeping out the
      refugees.
Crowd size. Hand size. New press secretary’s lies.
Twitter tantrums. Funky hair. Bye bye, Mr Polar
      Bear.
Claims ignoring evidence. Conflicts with emoluments.

A-list folks who said No Way. Silencing the EPA.
Every ‘over-rated’ foe. Taxes that he’ll never show.
Jared Kushner. Twitter feuds. Rich, white
      nominated dudes.
Russian hacks that he’ll forgive. Facts that are
      alternative.

We didn’t vote for Donald.
No, we didn’t choose him; we see Putin use him.
We didn’t vote for Donald.
Even Clinton’s better, but we didn’t get her.

Staffers clap to fool the press. Muslim visa
      airport mess.
Torture’s now OK with us. State department
      exodus.
Briefings that he just ignores. Did I mention
      Twitter wars?
Merrick Garland, go get lost. Build the wall and
      damn the cost.

Paul Carpenter
Hello Donald, our old friend,
You’re tweeting in the dark again,
Drafting diktats without thinking
Trashing taboos without blinking,
All rooted in your trademark semi-sleaze
So Donald please
We want the sound of silence

In restless tweets you walk alone
Making fake news of your own,
Giving everything a lethal twist
To be lapped up by your populists
Who adore your verbal shooting sprees
We’re on our knees
Give us the sound of silence

Your next challenge is to supply a lesson in the art of seduction in the style of the author of your choice (up to 16 lines or 150 words). Please email entries to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 22 February.

Subscribe to The Spectator today for a quality of argument not found in any other publication. Get more Spectator for less – just £12 for 12 issues.


Show comments
Close