Fifty shades of Grayling

31 July 2014

1:29 PM

31 July 2014

1:29 PM

With the delicacy of an Israeli F-16, the Tories entered the summer campaign today with an achingly dull speech in Westminster. Something about Labour and the unions. Mud flew everywhere. You know the drill.

It was less than a minute — forty seven seconds to be precise — before the charisma-free zone that is Chris Grayling spluttered the Tory catchphrase ‘long term economic plan’. The fun did not end there. Oh no. Grayling is the model of the modern politician; but, even so, it is impressive for a man to speak for twenty minutes almost entirely in banal cliché.


Apparently it’s all a ‘big con’. Labour, you see, would ‘turn back the clock’, which they mustn’t be allowed to do because we’re ‘not out of the woods yet’. You see, ‘our people’, need their ‘bright future’ to be secured so that they can ‘define our nation’s future’. At least one young chap sitting at the back dozed off.

Meanwhile union ‘barons’ are undermining ‘hardworking local unions’, which are part of a ‘decent society’. The barons should ‘put their money where their mouth is’. If this is the Tories’ fighting back against Labour’s ‘summer offensive’, then sign Mr S up as a human shield.

The monotonous Mr Grayling did at least crack one joke. He said that he hadn’t turned up to give a ‘one dimensional attack speech’. There was delirious laughter at the back of the room.

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  • Thomtids

    Grayling is merely adopting a publicity point when he expresses a view on Europe. He is “middle-management”. He does what he is told to by his Senior Management. He does not rock his boat, he hopes that when there is Board-level blood-letting, he will be left standing. He is ex Officio Lord Chancellor, yet so bereft of common sense adopts and pushes new legislation that is as banal and/or blithering as his mode of speech.
    Another make-belief “Right winger”. And certainly not a likely modern-day substitute for Quinton Hogg QC. Now there was a Lord Chancellor to be rightly proud of. Grayling….. Gray by name and Gray by nature.

  • Kennybhoy

    “With the delicacy of an Israeli F-16…”


    And actually F16s in the hands of the IADF are precision instruments!

  • volcanopete

    These “barons” are in fact the elected General Secretaries of the unions,elected by the membership and accountable to the membership,as is their pay and conditions.The trade union leadership are accountable to their members and I’m sure are more aware than the average person of a divide and rule tactic when it’s staring you in the face.
    Normal for a politician,no evidence offered in the speech whatsoever.

    • Kooljeff

      The Tory Party, the best party big business can buy.

  • rtj1211

    Look, until a public meeting has 10 people who tell the boring inane mouthpiece to say something that wouldn’t cause a women to tell him to get lost before she falls asleep on a first date, they’ll keep on doing this.

    Until the media don’t look for some slight slip of the tongue to be a career-derailer, they’ll keep on doing this.

    Until the PC rent-a-quote crowd don’t say that someone displaying normal human passion is ‘racist’, ‘sexist’, ‘bigoted’, ‘Jew hating’ etc etc, they’ll keep on doing this.

    The media has created a world where the only people who can survive in politics are those who never say anything meaningful from the age of 21 to the age of 65.

    You won’t send paedophile politiicians packing, but you will send a decent person who says they don’t like what Israel is doing. In fact, you’ll keep writing pieces honouring those who cover the paedophile’s tracks for party political advantage.

    You’ll let Tim Yeo chair the HOC select committee on green stuff despite having conflicts of interest rather bigger than Boris Johnson’s paunch. But you’ll trash people for putting a harmless nude picture on the net for their friends.

    You’ll let 200 politicians repay their dodgy expenses claims, but you support a House of Commons which ousts someone for calling a liar a liar in the House. If they are a liar, then Parliament should call them a liar. If they are a thief, Parliament should call them a thief. Being an MP shouldn’t shield you from the truth.

    But please, please, please, don’t complain about anodyne politiicians when you get your razor out to slash the throat of anyone who actually tells the truth about this country………

    • Kooljeff

      So we should let politicians spout hate speech? Nothing wrong with a bit of homophobia, sexism, racism and sectarianism is there? It’s what the Right-Wing thrive on.

  • GraveDave

    This guy, Grayling, he is a proper Tory. ‘Hang ’em and flog ’em’, prisons are holiday camps, bring back corporal punishment…. the lot. I cant understand why he is not more popular with the traditional right.

    • IXION

      Because whilst he may say the things ‘traditional’ right wingers like, he is also, (or should be), clever enough to know that:-

      1)Prisons are not (and never were) holiday camps.
      2)There is Zero possibility of hanging or flogging anyone.
      3)And the last major proponent of corporal punishment was one Harvey Proctor MP.. Who allegedly was caught spanking rent boys, which somewhat dented the movements credibility.

      So his rightwingerdom is entirely faked to garner support, like the article implies he is a political ‘speak your weight machine’.

  • lakelander

    Chris Grayling is also one of the few cabinet ministers prepared to go the record about the need to change our relationship with the EU. Mr Steerpike might find him boring but he comes over as a man of principle and determination.

    Would the writer prefer Grayling if he did a little dance before he expressed his thoughts?

    • IXION

      He just presses right wing buttons. He is Eurosceptic. That’s fine by me, but look at what else he has or rather has not done. He has shied away from some every difficult to sell, but essential reforms to the justice system; for the sake of cheap lawyer bashing publicity.

      He has ignored the fact that we have an adversarial system and stripped the general public of effective representation. Go and ask the innocent Nigel Evans about whether he feels he has had justice… £130,000 out of pocket to save his liberty and his career.

      All those family and civil court judges who are screaming for the return of publicly funded lawyers because in effect the system can’t run without them.

      Who knew hu? Family court lawyers spent a great deal of time telling their clients to shut up sit down listen and behave…. Now the lawyers aren’t there, the family courts are descending into chaos.

      Instead of restructuring and reforming the processes of the courts and simplifying the law so there was less need for lawyer, and when they were needed, it would be quicker and cheaper, not a chance. hHe just scrapped public funding. But say, pushing no fault, no hearing, paper divorce as something a registrar could do.. Births deaths, marriages, divorces…… He would not touch that with 10 ft pole. Daily mail would not like that.

      Its too complicated an issue to deal with in a blog comment post but there are legions of things this man could do to save money and speed up justice.

      What he has done is lawyer bashing coz that bit is easy and popular.

      • Kooljeff

        The law is for the little people (Tories consider themselves above the law) but legal representation only for the rich. Even then he wants it on the cheap.

    • Kooljeff

      I’d prefer Grayling to commit seppuku before he said a word. He’s a loathsome little tyrant who hates Free Speech and Free citizens.


    Chris Grayling is the ultimate 1 dimension politician. His tenure as Lord Chancellor has been an exemplar of knee jerk, sound bite politics.

    However, now the courts system is crashing, due to his cuts, maybe even his remaining supporters on the Tory right, will see the shine come of this guy- How he survived the re-shuffle astounds me.

    Rarely has Ben Elton’s remark about politicians being ‘Suits full of B***** all’ been so apt.

  • telemachus

    Chris we have not repeat not banned books from prison Grayling, has taken from Gove the epithet of the second most hated Cabinet Minister (Hunt is the first)
    Do not be fooled by the label boring
    He sits in Petty France dreaming up more and more draconian punishments for the increasingly low risk criminals he insists on telling the courts should be locked up
    It is said that he has been sizing up Hasselwood rock as a latter day Alcatraz for the incarceration of McCluskey and his band of brothers

    • GraveDave

      The Golden Age of rock and roll.

    • Kooljeff

      I think IDS is worse than Gove, Grayling and Hunt combined.