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Ukip fail to organise a piss-up in a brewery

26 May 2014

26 May 2014

Even before Ukip’s troops stormed last night’s EU elections, they were already planning their victory party. Where a few months ago it would have been held in a pub, with Nigel Farage posing for his customary pint n’fag shot, this time they were already planning on a much bigger scale. The City of London Distillery, keeping the boozy theme, was booked out ready for a victory rally today.

However, Mr S hears that the venue has now been deemed too small to accommodate all the winning candidates, donors and supporters. At the last minute the party has now been moved to the Intercontinental Hotel in Westminster. Surely Health and Safety concerns are a bit ‘mainstream’ for the likes of Farage and co?


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  • ostrich160

    You’re grabbing straws here, such a desperate attempt that utterly failed

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    “Immigration may have played a role.”
    Now that`s what I call stating the bleeding obvious.

  • Adro

    UKIPpers on this blog: lighten up! Steerpike is a humorous column, not a serious one. You come across as a bunch of blowhards when you rant at stuff like this. I highly doubt the sainted Farage would be offended by this.

  • Conway

    And if they hadn’t taken H&S concerns into consideration, no doubt some journalist would have been lambasting them for it – wouldn’t they?

  • Aberrant_Apostrophe

    Meanwhile, at LibDem HQ, the function room they had booked for holding their celebrations has been downsized to a portaloo.

    • Alexsandr

      celebrations? wake more like.

  • Robertus Maximus

    Do you also write under the name of Dan Hodges in the Telegraph? You seem to share the same unsophisticated style and content.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    Face it Steer, you`re just a sore loser.

  • Denis_Cooper

    Maybe you could more usefully devote your time to checking out whether the striking jump in turnout for these elections in London, from 33.3% in 2009 to 40.1%, reflects an upsurge in interest in EU affairs among Londoners, or what,
    and similarly how Labour has managed to rack up 806,959 votes across London when it only got 372,590 last time.

    • Tony_E

      As much I’d like to think that an element of fraud has been the deciding factor in Labour’s London recovery I think the truth is that last time the voter turnout was depressed by the apathy towards Brown/Blair’s record in office.

      The fact is that Labour is, and has been, the party of the Metropolitan population for some time now. I don’t think either of the nominally right of centre parties are going to have much joy in London any time soon.

      • Denis_Cooper

        I was up until after 3 am waiting for the London result which was being delayed by the count at Tower Hamlets. At one point the excuse being relayed was that the turnout was much higher than expected … well, it’s Tower Hamlets, so an element of that could be fraud.

        Elsewhere, it may be less outright fraud and more malpractice, making sure that all the family members voted the right way.

        Not that everyone views that as malpractice, I remember the reaction of Gavin Essler on TV when somebody he was interviewing described a paterfamilias in a northern town sitting on a bench in the square filling out the postal votes for all the members of his family – “Well, what’s wrong with that?”.

        • Tony_E

          It’s wrong, but it is a cultural feature of a great many boroughs up and down the country. Families ‘ block vote’ where there are strong patriarchies. I don’t know what you can do about that without pretty much outlawing postal voting altogether.

          • Denis_Cooper

            Which is pretty much what I would do, I would only allow it when there were very compelling reasons. Then the wife and the children could go along and cast their own ballots in secret away from the beady eye of the patriarch.

            • Alexsandr

              postal votes should be for those who cannot get to the polling station for reasons of infirmity, and should be signed off by their GP. Or for people who are unavoidably away from their home on business and have documentary proof of that.

          • Conway

            Postal votes should be for specific purposes only – deployment, absence on business or a pre-booked holiday, illness or infirmity.

          • Fergus Pickering

            Well, do so.

      • Conway

        How can I put it delicately? Have you seen the demographics in London?

    • Wessex Man

      ah Dennis the power of the postal vote!

  • you_kid

    Let us pick up where we last ended. The heavily drinking backbenches will hardly feel inclined to oust their leader after last night’s results.

    Tories have lost the EU elections, yet the margin is not high enough to get the P-heads moving …

    > hence the PM is further weakened
    > hence he will lose Scotland
    > hence he will lose in 2015
    > hence there will be no referendum.

    All is going exactly to plan.
    Now, I challenge anyone to down a pint of Tactical Penguin and not feel it.

    • Wessex Man

      What a strange imagination you have, if Scotland goes on it’s bonny way that ensures that Call me Dave carries on in Westminster.

  • justejudexultionis

    UKIP have scored a massive victory but the Westminster press and media just continue their smear campaign as if nothing happened and as if it is business as usual. How utterly stupid. This is precisely the attitude of arrogance and superiority emanating from the Westminster political class that drove so many people to vote UKIP.

    • serialluncher

      I suspect you confuse irreverence with arrogance.

  • tjamesjones

    Kippers get over yourselves! It’s funny

    • Wessex Man

      We’re still celebrating mate, will try hard to get over ourselves tomorrow.

      • tjamesjones

        You celebrate by complaining about a blog? Well, I guess that was your campaign strategy so why stop now.

        • Wessex Man

          Helps us sober up exchanging comments with humourless bad losers like you!

  • MirthaTidville

    Probably the most banal, even by Speccie standards, thread for a very long time…Obviously you kids are licking your wounds this morning

  • manonthebus

    I’m at a loss to understand the point of this article. The writer might have thought he was amusing, I suppose, but instead he appears to be something of a pointless twit. Perhaps he thought he was writing an article for the 4th Form newsletter.

    • Rhoda Klapp8

      On the contrary, he’s a shining wit. At least I think that’s what Spooner said.

  • WatTylersGhost

    Did you get an invite?
    Thought not.

  • bugshead

    This is yet another dreadful and humourless article. If this continues I will cancel my subscription , so help me…

  • revkevblue

    Mr Steerpike, I assume you believe yourself qualified as a political commentator, but if this is the best you can come up with, why don’t you get a job writing for a woman gossip magazine.
    We have just had the biggest political upset for one hundred years, and all you can find to talk about, is snidely making remarks about the catering arrangements.
    How pathetically shallow of you.
    Love Britain? Vote UKIP.

    • John Dalton

      Steerpike is just pathetic. I have no idea why The Spec tolerates this childish drivel. There’s nothing more to say.

    • telemachus

      It is crucial
      If Farage is unable to organise a p-up in a brewery
      How can he hope to persuade us that he could participate in running this great country

      • Wessex Man

        oh my word the terrible twins are back spouting their usual tripe!

      • global city

        Nationalist!

      • Guest

        Oh lighten up a little! One of the things I value in Nigel Farage is his sense of humour – I think he would find this amusing. This was not meant as a slur on his politics.

        • telemachus

          Oh No?

    • HookesLaw

      What a bunch of po-faced bums you lot are. You really are not of this planet are you.
      Something which in itself shows how pathetic you are.

    • Wessex Man

      He’s just a jealous guy who wanted to be a candidate but put no effort in!

    • Andrew Smith

      Oh lighten up a little! One of the things I value in Nigel Farage is his sense of humour – I think he would find this amusing. This was not meant as a slur on his politics…

    • serialluncher

      If you love Britain, you should relax and get yourself a British sense of humour.

  • Lucy Sky Diamonds

    Success breeds success!

  • Swiss Bob

    Terrible being too successful, much better to be complete failures like the LibDems and Greens.

    • telemachus

      It was a victory for our continued membership of Europe
      *
      Now Cameron can negotiate with a gun in his belt
      France are likely to be running scared and accommodate
      The renegotiated package will result in a resounding vote for ‘in’

      • chudsmania

        Eh ? It was a victory for ukip (the clue is in the name) , who in the national interest of the country will get us out the eussr. Its a failed socialist wet dream. Its game over , embrace it

        • Hello

          How exactly is it going to get us out of the “EUSSR”? Have you actually thought through that statement, or are you just relaying Nigel’s assertions?

          What is the political sequence that is going to see that happen? How long will it take?

          • chudsmania

            Invoke article 50. There you go. Its in the best interests of the EU to have a quick , amicable divorce. If the EU wants to play dirty , then they’ll be on a guaranteed loser. When push comes to shove , take on Britain at your peril , as history shows. The City of London could break the Euro tomorrow if it so desired.

            • Hello

              No, no, no. I mean what is the political sequence that will lead to the UK invoking article 50? And how is Ukip going to deliver that sequence?

              • chudsmania

                If enough people vote for them in 2015. Hope this helps.

                • Hello

                  You mean enough to deliver Farage to Downing St? Are you pursuing a Westminster majority?

                • chudsmania

                  We might have had an historical win last night , but unfortunately i dont possess a crystal ball. This is just the beginning for Ukip , the future is purple.

                • Hello

                  I don’t doubt that Ukip will grow, and that it’s permanent. It’s becoming more sophisticated every day, and the systematic nature of the attacks on it are forcing it to adapt into a more mature political party, however I don’t believe it will ever achieve exit. I think that will just be forgotten as it grows, and I think deep down you don’t really care that that’s the case, because you’re more interested in the success of Ukip than in exit.

                • chudsmania

                  The success of Ukip would ensure an exit. As time goes by , i expect to see talent from all sides flock to us , we are a broad church . I can see Kate Hoey being the first high profile MP to join our ranks.

                • Hello

                  No, it wouldn’t. Faced with the reality of being responsible for exit, Ukip would compromise and water down it’s raison d’etre.

                • chudsmania

                  We’ll have to agree to disagree on that. One thing i will say though , is that the 2015 election will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before.

                • Wessex Man

                  yes!

                • Alexsandr

                  we laughed at the limp dem manifesto before the 2101 GE. Then thyey were in power and trying to implement it. Daft things can happen in politics. Me, I am not predicting anything. too random.

              • Wessex Man

                already told you above, meanwhile on the continent, the real fanatics elected yesterday in France, Italy, Greece, Denmark and Germany will be pulling the whole rotten edifice to pieces, best away from it all as soon as possible!

          • HookesLaw

            And where to? Being in the EEA is no different to being in the EU in respect trade and the Tories are committed to renegotiating our relationship as the Euro Zone grows closer. This is the best way to protect our own interests.

            • global city

              and the only way to do that is to leave completely. We would then be in the position of every country in the world except those 27 stupid enough to remain in the nation building project.

            • Alexsandr

              oh hello .the hooker has his ‘we have to stay in the EEA if we leave the EU’ record on again. when no such thing is cast in stone anywhere. Just his deluded wishful thinking.

          • Wessex Man

            We will win seats at the next GE, the Lib/dums will slide into oblivion, Cameron will be left with no choice other than to form a govenment with UKip with a straight forward referendum with no if or buts and six months after that Hooky babe will be here saying it was all part of Call me Dave’s masterplan!

            • Alexsandr

              but no coalition. A coaition would kill UKIP dead. A minority tory government with UKIP broadly supporting it but not taking the tory whip maybe. (Does Farage like whips???)

              • Wessex Man

                a coalition only in the sense that we say you only get a coalition by writing in Cameron’s blood that there will be a clear cut referendum!

      • Colonel Mustard

        Joint EU Emperors Barroso and Van Rompuy celebrate their victory:

        “TO OUR GOOD AND LOYAL SUBJECTS:

        Despite the best that has been done by everyone – the gallant Long Marching of the quango and fake charity forces, the undermining and politicisation of Our servants of the State, and the devoted service of Our socialist comrades in the media – the political situation has developed not necessarily to the EU Empire’s advantage, while the general trends of the world have all turned against her interest.”

        Moreover, the enemy has begun to employ a new and most cruel weapon, UKIP, the power of which to do damage is, indeed, incalculable, taking the toll of many gravy trainers and champagne socialist troughers.”

      • Swiss Bob

        Drop dead troll.

      • Smithersjones2013

        A gun in his belt? You mean a gun to his head. Have you seen how many Tory heartland seats they theoretically lost to UKIP last night?

        • Tony_E

          Actually, for once Tele is correct. It’s the question of whether he chooses to use the weapon delivered to him in this election.

          All across the EU anti integrationist parties have made massive gains. If they can form a solid grouping (despite some of them having less than savoury attitudes to race and religion than we would tolerate), to slow down progress to a snails pace in the EU parliament, then the governments of the nations with the strongest anti vote can press for changes.

          But as to whether France (or Germany) will negotiate, I don’t know. If they can make it France v England, the socialists will will out. If they have to face about a third of Europe – many of them huge agricultural customers of France, and Eurozone members, that could be a game changer for the desires of the less integrationist nations.

          The key will be splitting the Eurozone countries – if they cannot agree due to sceptics at home, on the further integration necessary to save the currency, the opportunity might appear for a better deal, or to drive the wedge to pull the whole thing down.

          • global city

            Anti integrationist is a better term than any of those currently used.

            The MSM though have decided to tar them all with the ‘anti immigrant’ brush instead.

          • Alexsandr

            the european parliament is a sham. if it does not deliver the resolutions the commission desire, they ignore it.

        • Conway

          My True Blue county is now purple. What a lovely colour!

  • Ricky Strong

    Very good at winning national elections though.

    • Hello

      It was some little continental election or something, not a national one. I’ve yet to meet anyone outside of Ukip that gives a damn about the European elections.

      Still, seeing as though you’re now responsible for more than 99.9999% of all UK legislation, I suppose you’ve been elevated to the most powerful position in the land…or rather, the continent. Send me a postcard.

      • Ricky Strong

        Quite strange that. So no one outside UKIP cares about European elections yet they would try and convince the whole county that it would be incapable of functioning outside of the EU. So to get that message across don’t bother voting in the EU elections.

        Would you be saying the same if Labour or the Liberals had done well? I doubt it.

        • Hello

          Yes. I would be saying the same thing.

          I don’t know who’s been suggesting that we wouldn’t be able to function outside the EU, but I’m not affiliated with them. Obviously that’s just the polar opposite to your chosen blend of madness, which suggests that every single problem we have is the result of the EU. I think there’s room for a more balanced opinion.

          • Ricky Strong

            Likewise, I don’t recall saying saying every single problem is a result of the EU, but many issues do stem from our membership of it and in particular our increasing inability to govern ourselves.

            I do agree that we need a balanced opinion, that is why I think UKIP are providing the needed counter-weight.

            • Hello

              Ukip is not a “counter-weight”. It’s just going to unwittingly screw things up.

              • Ricky Strong

                We can go back and forth all day on this, but I think we must bear in mind that it’s not only the UK that has sent out a strong message in these elections. There has a been a huge shift to the right and we need to understand why that is.

                • Hello

                  It seems a little self-obsessed and arrogant of you, as a Ukip voter, to be suggesting that “we” need to understand why you voted Ukip, that “we” need to understand “you”. I think that’s all “we” need to understand about “you”.

                • Ricky Strong

                  Semantics, get over yourself.

                • Wessex Man

                  he, we can’t and that’s his problem!

              • Wessex Man

                are you tele’s dad?

      • the viceroy’s gin

        …how about a postcard taken 11.5 months from now, of Call Me Dave’s head mounted on a spike?

  • Smithersjones2013

    [Yawn] Weak truly weak……..

    • Conway

      No, he gatecrashed and was asked to leave (see previous article).

  • chudsmania

    Keep the digs coming. The more digs , the more support we’ll garnish. Vive le révolution.

    • William Clark

      Surely it’s la révolution?

      • chudsmania

        Vive . Long live. I think i used it in the correct context.

        • telemachus

          Revolution?
          A flash result to galvanise the proper politicians is no revolution

          • Alexsandr

            proper. ha ha ha. how is the wierd mr Plasticine today?

          • Aberrant_Apostrophe

            Cameron knows all about revolutions, as he’s done so many U-turns during his term.

        • Conway

          Revolution is feminine – that is purely in grammatical terms.

        • William Clark

          I don’t think you’ve got it yet. Did you do ‘O’ Level French? It is a language that has grammatical genders, and révolution is a ‘feminine’ noun, so you say la révolution, not le révolution.

          • chudsmania

            I bow to your superior knowledge. Please dont take offence for me calling you a pedant 😀 …..Delboy got away with far worse !!

        • Andrew Smith

          He was querying the correct use of the article. révolution is feminine.

    • Adro

      Surely you’re going to garner support? Or is UKIP’s new policy covering all members in parsley or basil?

      • chudsmania

        He he , chuckling looking back at that typo !!

    • GraveDave

      Come on, you gotta admit , it’s funny. We are known for our good sportsmanship and sense of humour.
      I’m sure even Nige would smile after reading that.

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