Coffee House

Senior Tory MP: Boris should stop messing our party around

29 April 2014

9:14 AM

29 April 2014

9:14 AM

I have not asked anyone out on a date for over 35 years. In fact, the last time I did invite anyone out was, like most of my attempts, excruciatingly bad. It involved a bubbly and charismatic blonde who told me to get lost.

Now, as a Conservative MP, I find myself being teased by another bubbly blonde: Boris Johnson.

I can’t understand why he is toying with me. Why won’t he accept my party’s offer of a safe seat? Like a desperate suitor, it has given him plenty of options, from a welcoming spot in Hampshire to a more familiar haunt in Kensington.


I can’t believe it’s work that’s holding him back. That’s the sort of excuse that a chap gives when he’s trying to let a girl down gently. But it doesn’t quite ring true. We all know the Mayor is on a fixed-term contract, so it’s not unreasonable he begins to eye up other options. Surely commitment works both ways and the parliamentary party that he’s flirting with deserves a say in our future together as well

His fudging over our relationship leaves me and other Tory MPs wondering whether we can ever have a genuine partnership with the man. Don’t our opinions count if he wants to move in and live with us in our House?

Mind you, his treat ’em mean and keep ’em keen approach is working – for Boris at least. He’s the talk of the tea room. Will he, won’t he? But, like me, some are starting to feel like fools who are wondering if they’re going to be stood up at the restaurant table. It’s always about him, not ‘us’ and frankly it’s not just this MP who is beginning to get a little hurt, a touch bored and now mildly irritated with it all. True, it’s a great romantic comedy, but we shouldn’t be trying to entertain voters with a political version of Bridget Jones. We’ve got a general election in just over a year.

After all, Boris should remember it’s not as if we don’t have a leader to love already. Dave is solid, reliable and isn’t doing a bad job at all. He has been there during the tough times when we needed him. Perhaps Boris should remember that and stop messing our party around.

The author is a senior Conservative MP writing on condition of anonymity.

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Show comments
  • Kitty MLB

    For heavens sake Boris is a cross between Byron, a Mop head, a golden retriever,
    and a Waugh character. eccentric and as English as Cricket. But a pointless
    sentimental diversion. Why should he have a safe seat, its just pointless pandering
    and utterly wrong.

  • Tom Tom

    Bye Bye Speccies……..TomTom is leaving the country and going off to pastures new across the waters.

    • Kitty MLB

      Oh, Farewell, God Speed and the best of luck with all your future endeavours.

  • Hello

    “After all, Boris should remember it’s not as if we don’t have a leader to love already. Dave is solid, reliable and isn’t doing a bad job at all.”

    Everyone knows that Dave is retiring in a few years, so Boris is hardly a threat, is he? I’m sure he has enough patience to sit it out, rather than curse his own premiership with a bout of regicide.

    Whoever is circulating these suggestions that it’s a Dave vs Boris death match is damaging the Conservatives’ 2015 prospects. Why is it that when George Osborne or Michael Gove suggest that they want to be PM it’s OK, but when Boris does it’s only because he intends to do something rash?

  • Denis_Cooper

    When you think about it – there’s this man of questionable personal repute, who has long masqueraded as “a strong eurosceptic” but has now been outed as “an epic europhile”, who wants Turkey to join the EU so that every Turkish citizen would have the automatic legal right to come and live and work in this country – and we would not be asked in a referendum whether we wanted Turkey to be allowed to join the EU, under Section 4(4)(c) of Hague’s “referendum block” law – and who proposed an amnesty for illegal immigrants, and yet it is blithely assumed that:

    a) The local Tory association in North West Hampshire would allow Tory HQ to have him parachuted in as their candidate; and

    b) The voters in North West Hampshire would then elect this interloper because they had previously elected Sir George Young.

    Not far over the border into Wiltshire is Edington, where Alfred the Great defeated the Viking invaders in 878 and saved Wessex, which then became the strong base for the unification of England which was completed by his grandson Aethelstan in 937; maybe the same kind of thing would happen again?

  • david trant

    Ah just the sort of person the party of family values needs, a liar, fornicator, adulterer a man who dragged his mistress to an abortion clinic, because he couldn’t afford another child born the wrong side of the blanket, and worse of all, one time editor of this august organ, if his desk there could only talk.

    • Tom Tom

      Maybe he is the symbol the Tories feel sums them up ?

  • Colin56

    “Dave is solid, reliable and isn’t doing a bad job at all. ”

    It’s hardly a ringing endorsement of the Dear Leader, is it?

  • Denis_Cooper

    “Why won’t he accept my party’s offer of a safe seat?”
    So what year is it now?
    I thought pocket boroughs had been abolished nearly two centuries ago, but the Tory party, which opposed that reform at the time, still has some available?

    • Barakzai

      Tory pocket boroughs . . .

      You don’t mean to imply that they’re any different to those acquired by trades union satraps or, shortly, it seems, young men named Straw or Blair, do you?

      • Denis_Cooper

        Tory pocket boroughs, Labour pocket boroughs, there may even be some LibDem pocket boroughs … all the same thing.

        • Kitty MLB

          I utterly deplore safe seats, why should any seat be safe.
          Politicians should work for their seats. Remember Louise Mensch. The worst of all are Labour and their safe seats, utter laziness and treating the electorate with contempt.

          • Denis_Cooper

            I’m not sure there’s much difference between them. Heseltine retired and Henley was handed on to Johnson. Then he got himself elected as Mayor and now he’s being fixed up with another safe seat. The Scot Rifkind lost Edinburgh Pentlands and searched for a safe seat in England, eventually he was rewarded with the plum of Kensington and Chelsea when Portillo decided to leave politics. One thing those four all have in common, albeit to varying degrees: they are all pro-EU. You don’t get handed a safe Tory seat if you make it clear that you are not pro-EU, in fact if you openly say that you want to leave the EU then you’re unlikely to get as far as being approved as a potential parliamentary candidate, let alone being selected for even a winnable seat.

    • david trant

      With Nigel Evans back in the fold there is no such thing as a safe Tory seat.

      comment deleted.

    • Tom Tom

      Clearly…we are back in the C18th in so many ways

  • jatrius

    “Dave is solid, reliable ” Whilst I agree with the general thrust of the piece re. Boris, how anybody could TRUST Cast Iron again is beyond belief.