Save our Royals from Australian paws

28 April 2014

28 April 2014

How can we stop Australian politicians from touching up members of our Royal Family, in the manner of a libidinous BBC Radio disc jockey? If you remember, the former Prime Minister Paul Keating once groped the Queen, without even having first invited her out for a drink. Now the current PM, a man called Tony Abbott, has draped his meaty arm around the Duke of Cambridge, probably while making some over-familiar or even vulgar aside about his wife. “Punched above your weight there, you sly old bugger,” or something similarly grotesque. Obviously the Royals will need to visit the Antipodes from time to time, to let them know that we still care. But shouldn’t we in future send less senior figures who will mind less the predatory pawing. Fergie’s large and robust daughters, perhaps?

More Spectator for less. Subscribe and receive 12 issues delivered for just £12, with full web and app access. Join us.

Show comments
  • Thaddeus lovelock

    Australians are warm, expressive, and affectionate people.

  • Charles Htavani

    Your Royals are also Australian Royals, mate.

  • DougS

    Come on Rod, hardly anybody can be bothered to comment on stuff like this.

    Let’s have something we can get our teeth into. Perusing your previous pieces; UKIP, Ukraine and Diane Abbott look likely to get a good response.

    Nelson Mandela was a bigee as well but I think he’s played out now.

    We need something controversial, how about global warming or to be more accurate global temperature standstill, almost a guaranteed slanging match!

    • Lungfish66

      I thought taking the piss out of Celtic Football Club got the best ever response.

    • post_x_it

      He can always fall back on slagging off ME and dyslexia sufferers. Guarantees him about 1,000 predictable comments within half an hour of posting.

      • allymax bruce

        Yeh, Liddle is a hypocrite; he slags-off celebs, the disabled, and foriegners, but can’t acept criticism on his own articles.

  • john

    When will deferential Brits accept that the Windsors are just the same as everyone else? I was hoping this headline suggested that the Aussies were planning to keep Kate et al. No such luck!

    • GeeBee36_6

      Well, actually they are by no means the same as everyone else. They are a family in limbo – arguably since 1688. The present absolute ruler of Lichtenstein should, some say, be our monarch. Are we a monarchy, therefore, or a ‘democracy’? Why, of course, we are neither.

      Which explains a great deal. A very great deal indeed…

      • post_x_it

        Is Herman Rompypompy from Liechtenstein?

        • GeeBee36_6

          Well there is that of course! Actually the principality enjoys remarkable autonomy from the EU. Not sure how it works. And I have looked on La Wik and it appears it’s the Crown Prince of Liechtenstein (19 year old Prince Joseph) who is the descendent and heir to the Jacobite throne.

          • post_x_it

            I used to work with one of the Princes of Liechtenstein (in a profoundly civilian profession). Very pleasant character, humble and hard working, as is the whole family I think.

  • arnoldo87

    “How can we stop Australian politicians from touching up members of our Royal Family?”
    I just knew Camilla would come in useful one day.

    • GeeBee36_6

      Or indeed Hal.

  • Colin56

    Did anyone ask the good burghers of Cambridge whether they wanted a ‘Duke’ and ‘Duchess’ foisted on them?

    • john

      I’ve always wondered that also. At a wild guess, no they weren’t asked. BTW who asked us if we wanted Lizzie or will want Chuck, Willi or George?

      • GeeBee36_6

        Ah! The rank scent of democracy. So sweet to so many, so malodorous to so few. The many must, naturally, be right. Well, mustn’t they? (to be continued, in a generation or two).

  • Kitty MLB

    I am also not too fond of this over familiarity, decorum may unfortunately
    be a think of the distant past. Royalty being there to serve their countries, doesn’t
    actually mean you can touch them and Australians seem very tactile, ( would anyone put their arms around a stranger ) I also remember Mrs Obama putting her arms around the Queen, its all rather ghastly.
    All politicians are the same now, even with us, Blair started this train of thought after
    Diana died and he chastised the poor Queen. Politicians must be ‘ in touch’ on a
    personal level with the electorate. But if Cameron puts his arms around me, I shall
    whack him, I can assure you of that.
    Is distance, personal space and respect a thing of the past.

    • Warwick

      Decorum may be a think of the past? Think?
      Really Kitty, with such a terrible gap in your ability to use the Queen’s English, you are in no position to lecture anyone.

      • Kitty MLB

        Oh I forgot to mention manners, they are also seem to belong in the past. Thank you most graciously for spotting the typo and informing
        me. Progressive criticism is frightfully undervalued.

        • Warwick

          I was wrong, Kitty; it was just a simple typo.
          I’m sorry.

          • Kitty MLB

            Apology accepted, I really should have checked. I do when
            rattling on using Shakespearean English or other
            languages but become a little shabby with modern English
            occasionally, which is very bad I know :)

            • post_x_it

              Does the Queen use smiley faces for punctuation?

    • John Lea

      “I also remember Mrs Obama putting her arms around the Queen, its all rather ghastly.”
      What a pompous ar*e you are.

Can't find your Web ID? Click here