What do I need to do to become ‘Islamophobe of the Year’?

23 February 2014

9:44 AM

23 February 2014

9:44 AM

I was robbed! News has just come in that despite making the shortlist I failed to win ‘Islamophobe of the Year’ in any of the categories.

Proving once again that Ayatollah Khomeini was a big fat liar when he said there are ‘no jokes’ in Islam, the Khomeinist ‘Islamic Human Rights Commission’ last night named President Obama as overall ‘Islamophobe of the Year’. Various other continent-specific categories were closed to me, though it is interesting to note that Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi stormed the ‘Asia and Australia’ section.


Yet the UK results are cause for most bitterness. The shortlist apparently consisted of Theresa May, Maajid Nawaz, Raheem Kassam and me. My money was on Maajid. He had an absolutely excellent start to the year, showing terrific form in, among other things, tweeting a wholly innocuous cartoon of the founder of his own religion and pointing out that he was ‘not offended’ by it. During the fall-out the rest of us could only look on with envy and an air of ‘I wish I had thought of that’.

However, none of us could have foreseen the secret advances made by the appalling young upstart Raheem Kassam, who appears to have imported US-style campaign tactics into this process. Now at Breitbart London, Raheem appears to have triumphed through a hugely successful ‘get out the vote’ campaign in which he urged his readers to click through to the IHRC’s website and vote for him. I must say that I think this is very low politicking. It is true that I provided a link to the IHRC’s voting form on this site, but I chose to leave the question of voting to the consciences of my readers. I feel that I really ought to complain to the Khomeinist IHRC. For if they cannot see how Raheem’s actions were always likely to distort the results then perhaps the group should head to Tehran for a spell to be reminded of how genuinely free, fair and open elections can be performed, with fairly limited use of torture, rape, execution and the assistance of local militia.

Anyhow, I am feeling philosophical. There is always next year, and the year after that. Whether there will be a year after that depends, I suppose, on whether the IHRC’s view of Islam – now backed up, I am happy to see, by our former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams himself – ever comes to dominate in this country.

In the meantime I am going to put my head down for a bit and study the form of this year’s winners. It currently seems to me that to be sure of victory next year I will have to, among other things, ‘get out the vote’ more efficiently, become the most left-wing President in US history, develop a private ‘drone’ force capable of carrying out limited strikes against terrorists in tribal areas, become one of the most revered human rights campaigners in the world and win a Nobel peace prize while spending many years under house arrest. There must be an easier way, surely? Yet I cannot see how. Any ideas from readers would be much appreciated.

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Show comments
  • Dexter vs Sinister

    One effing comment. Is that it?
    Is that all the great Douglas gets?
    Come to Breitbart, Douglas.
    You are guaranteed a good reception!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dave Cockayne

    You are a white man, you don’t think your opinion counts for anything these days do you?
    Anyway, you had better come up with a plan quick, you have the Trumpinator to beat next year…

  • Al

    Douglas, how did go this year?

  • Blazeaway

    Hard luck Douglas. You gave it your best shot and you can hold your head high. If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well.
    Glad to see your not downcast and will try again next year. Have you ever thought of joining the NUJ so that you could attend its cobference and speak up at their ‘Stop Islamophobia’ fringe meetings?

  • SoCalMike

    Douglas Murray is The Man. His critics are spineless, cowed and mentally conformed at the hands of Marxist mass media.
    They haven’t the foggiest idea HOW to think but they know for sure exactly WHAT to think. Their betters told them so they really really really know.

  • Trapnel

    A timely piece on the IslamopHonia industry:

    “Islamists have been successful in building the Islamophobia industry: it diverts attention from activities they would probably prefer not be noticed, such as promoting sharia law in the West, stealth jihad, and a push to implement a global Islamic caliphate, among many others.”

    At the Gatestone Industry – The real agenda behind the push for “Islamophobia” by Raheel Raza

  • Sarka

    I’m really sorry Douglas, I was rooting for you! But it’s obvious that the whole system is rigged against the British (just like Eurovision etc.), so neither you nor Maarjid ever had a real chance.

  • global city

    Just say that you could never consider wearing a burka?

  • Gene

    Obama is “the most left-wing President in US history”?

    That was (unintentionally, I suppose) the funniest part of your column.

  • Michael Lucas

    So sorry Douglas, I was rooting for you.

  • Mr Grumpy

    Commiserations, but at the risk of being a party pooper I’d say Aung San Suu Kyi does at least have a case to answer. To paraphrase Orwell, some things are true even though this bunch of clowns say they are true.

  • knowshistory

    barack is giving islamophobes a bad name. one man’s islamophobe is another man’s islamophile. to a muslim, an “islamophobe” is a dangerous enemy who has somehow seen through the taqqia and the liberal multiculti bovine fecies, and recognizes islam for what it is. to a multiculti liberal fool, an islamophobe is a poor misguided soul who will not buy the multiculti bovine fecies, and must be criticized. to a nonpsychotic infidel who does not wish to be enslaved or genocided by the religion of pure evil, an “islamophobe” is just someone that can think straight. for those who are able to think, a more useful term would be “islamocog”: one who is aware of the real intent of the “religion of peace”. has anyone noticed that the proclaimed “religion of peace” is the only religion that was founded in genocidal, larcenous, raping violence, AND has never strayed from its true path (genocide, rape, robbery, slavery, and deception)? the only reason fools call it the “religion of peace” is that they dam well know it isn’t.

  • DougS

    Come on Douglas, you’ve really got to up your game. No point whining about being outfoxed, you’ve got to learn from those that trounced you.

    Come out fighting for next year’s award with a new vigour. Don’t feel downhearted, I have full confidence in your ability to bounce back and take the fight to your opponents.

  • Philip Buxton

    Where’s the Awards do? Grosvenor House? Tim Vine to host?

  • allymax bruce

    “develop a private ‘drone’ force capable of carrying out limited strikes against terrorists in tribal areas”
    Douglas, the CIA run the drone systems; not the President. A wee bit o’ conning & smearing going on, Douglas?

    • darwins beard

      Obama signs off every strike

  • andy_gill

    Douglas, you could always convert to Judaism. That might work in your favour next time round.

  • Mark

    Maybe Rowan Williams should be asked why he supported that event. Was he asked to give a view? Did he voluntarily write in support otherwise? Does he know what he’s doing? It’s one thing for him to say “I don’t like Islamophobia”, but to support an awards ceremony? So it’s supposed to be “tongue-in-cheek” but the insidiousness of the thing shines like a beacon.

  • Raw England

    Douglas, I could certainly advise as to how to win the award ; )

    Also, Barack Hussein Obama is one of the biggest appeasers of Islam on the world stage. He recently, of course, even ordered all mentions and references to Jihad, Islam and Islamists to be removed from the CIA/FBI anti-terror training manual………..amongst other things.

    • allymax bruce

      The Patriot Act, implemented by Republican Bush, gave the House of Congress these powers; stop conflating what the Congress does with what President Obama does; two completely different things!

      • Raw England

        Ally, you’re confused. And your support for a black, anti-White, Islam-appeasing immigrant President is odd.

        • Daniel Maris

          All Americans are immigrants or descendants of immigrants. Most of them are proud of their immigrant status. And most black Americans have been there than most Irish, Italian, Scandinavian and Asian immigrants. Black Americans have also produced much of the cultural product that gives the USA so much soft power in the world.

          • Raw England

            Oh my God. What a barmy statement. Americans are not immigrants. They’re White, and their Founding Fathers were English. White Americans built America and everything it is today.

            Blacks have ruined America. They’ve destroyed Detroit, they murder and commit crime every day, and they’ve weakened/undermined American beyond measure.

            And the very

            • vildechaye

              RE: Blacks have ruined America…

              You’re a pathetic bigot talking sh*t. And if you think blacks haven’t massively contributed to U.S. culture (one of the U.S.’s most important exports), you clearly are deaf as well as dumb.

            • Ringstone

              Woops. Your prejudices are showing. What did people like you do before t’interweb gave them a hobby and a soapbox?

        • allymax bruce

          Actually, I lived in a homeless hostel in Atlanta Georgia for 6 months; communal showers that shower 20 men at a time, sleeping dorms that hold 300, and eating facilities that somehow engendered prison ethics & customs. I litterally washed, ate, & slept, (not sexually) with 300 black men, every day for 6 months. These guys were mostly ex-cons, couldn’t get a job, and were grateful for the hostel. I learned a lot about my black brothers during my time there, and I am grateful to them for their aceptance of ‘white-boy scotland’. Sure, I got a wee bit o’ hostility; some blamed me for their ‘lot-in-life’, but most of the guys stuck up for me. And, when I told the grievous wans it wasn’t Scotland that ‘enslaved’ their ancestors, it was the English aristocracy, they seemd to know that somewhere in their archetypal memory. I have some amazing experiences to write about, and I wouldn’t swap my time there for the world. it opened my eyes to human-good. Bible class every evening from 7-9pm is where I learnt about Jesus. The emptying out yard at 5am in the morning was were I learnt about God. No confusion, Sir, just amazing experiences lived with some really good people.

          • Baron

            Good stuff, allymax, you should write more about it, if only because there’re many pundits writing about things they have no first hand experience of.

  • Flaming Fairy

    An excellent response to a ridiculous award from a ridiculous organisation. Never have the words “Human Rights” been used so ironically

    • jonny

      So that’s what’s it’s like to live in your pretty little retarded head.

      • Flaming Fairy

        Please go fuck yourself at the earliest opportunity. Have a nice day

        • jonny

          hahah you stupid inconsequential little flower.

      • DontTreadOnMe

        You do realise, jonny, that the competition has descended into self parody?

  • Firdaus Kanga


    • JabbaTheCat

      Dude, what’s with all the SHOUTING?

      • anotherjoeblogs

        He must have thought Douglas was nominated for Islamophobe Of The Year in the hard of hearing category.

    • Raw England

      So are you anti-Islam, then?

  • Noa

    Despite your sunny disposition you could become a sheite.

  • Kitty MLB

    Why was Nick Clegg not nominated,
    he never wins anything, he was robbed.

  • Richard

    Fear of religious as everyone knows really doesn’t matter; the pen is mightier than the sword but its action (and good ones towards religious people) which speaker louder than words. A ha! You are over complicating for no particular reason? !!! 🙂

  • Gerard Spekboom

    Obama, who said “The Future Must Not Belong to Those Who Slander the Prophet of Islam” chosen Islamophobe of the Year !?

    Is the Islamic world getting schizophrenic !? The man should be disqualified !

  • Curnonsky

    The only election Obama ever deserved to win.

  • James Lovelace

    Islam = kuffarphobia. Douglas Murray’s Islamophobia is pathetic by comparison to 1300 years of “kill the kuffar wherever you find him”.

    I think the most “islamophobic” thing Douglas has said is “Conditions for Muslims in Europe must be made harder across the board: Europe must look like a less attractive proposition”.

    We could take some lessons from islam, and stop turning the other cheek. You don’t see many kafirs wanting to emigrate to muslim countries.

    We should do unto others as they do unto us. Impose reverse sharia. Make muslims 3rd class citizens in Europe, the way non-muslims are third class citizens in all those lands invaded and occupied by muslims.

    • vildechaye

      That’s right. Muslims are dreadful, so the answer is: let’s be just like them. Brilliant! And hey, 24 other geniuses agree! So much intelligence, so little time.

  • Al

    Stupid award clearly set to name and shame – talk about spectacularly backfiring. Keep going Douglas, know you can do it.

    • Fasdunkle

      The islamophobia(tm) industry love such awards

    • Trapnel

      Not bad media coverage for an organisation probably consisting of one man and his dog/camel somewhere in Cricklewood or Seven Sisters … it is probably busy right now applying for taxpayer-funded anti-discrimination and anti-racism grants from the UK/EU and receiving invitations to sit on the steering committees of interfaith bodies. Such are the rewards of the hydra-headed Islamophobia, and to use a Govian word, blob.

  • Coleridge1

    interesting which ‘islamophobes’ didn’t feature in this contest:
    The Syrian Moslems who have slaughtered 140,000 other Syrian Moslems and made millions of Syrian Moslems refugees.
    The Sunni and Shiite fanatics slaughtering thousands of their Moslem co-religionists in Iraq.
    The fanatical Moslems in apartheid Pakistan suicide-bombing each other’s mosques.
    The fascist Palestinian Authority and the Islamist Hamas in Gaza who are executing fellow Moslems for being ‘collaborators.’
    Or how about the islamofascist regime in Tehran that stones Moslem women to death and hangs Moslem Gays in public squares from cranes.

  • Fasdunkle

    I feel your pain.

  • General_Patten

    A great honour from “the religion of peace” just to be nominated. Well done Douglas.

  • Fergus Pickeranus

    Post a different cartoon of Mohammad in your blog every day

  • Trapnel

    Buy a lego kit and doing interesting things with it a la Littlejohn.

  • stickywicket

    But Raheem Kassam won it:

    Or is it like boxing and there’s competing world championships?

  • Raheem Kassam

    Don’t hate the player!

    • Fergus Pickeranus

      well done for winning Raheem. How much prize money do you get?

      • Raheem Kassam

        Whatever it is, I demand it in Shekels.

        • Ringstone

          I voted for you…do I get a cut?

        • abdousset

          seriously i think it’s a big fail for the haters that you won by asking us to vote for you….

    • Fasdunkle

      A stunning victory, well played Sir

    • Kitty MLB

      No one would dream of doing such a thing,
      a utterly suberb win. A titan of a chap.

  • Icebow

    Naming Obama as Islamophobe of the Year sounds like taqiyya.

    • Daniel Maris

      …or it just shows however much you genuflect in their direction, they’ll still give you a good kick in the nuts.

  • Craig

    Look, I know things look dark right now, and you’re wondering whether it’s worth going on, but don’t do anything drastic. You and I Doug, we’re going to get through this thing together. Do you hear me? TOGETHER.

    Still, anyone the IHRC condemns as being the ‘islamophobe’ of the year can’t be all that bad, right?

  • Bluesman_1

    Time to hit the “rubber chicken” circuit – non-halal of course.

  • Ron Todd

    If Obama wins the standard must be that anybody that does not detonate themselves for islam is an islamophobe.

  • itbeso

    You were robbed. Maybe if they bring in postal voting next year eh?

  • wycombewanderer

    Must try harder!

  • Two Bob

    Being called an ‘Islamophobe’ is a compliment.

    • Daniel Maris

      …and also a complement to being a democrat.