One Yorkshireman’s commendable bid for freedom

13 February 2014

9:14 AM

13 February 2014

9:14 AM

Richard Milburn, a burglar, broke out of Kirkham Prison near Preston because he was sick to the back teeth of the Scousers in the place. And the Mancs. And the Scallies and the La’s (not my apostrophe; I think it’s a local peculiarity). Richard is a Yorkshireman, even if his surname suggests a still better provenance a hundred or so miles north east of there. But given what he was up against Yorkshire will do just fine. This blog has not always been understanding towards the complaints and aspirations of our criminal underclass. But I think I will make an exception for Richard. The Scousers with their hilarious ready wit, the Mancs skagged out of their brainboxes – I think he had a point. Imagine it 24 hours a day, you’d smash your head against the cell wall until you were unconscious. I think he had some justification for complaint and we should all commend his bid for freedom. And the judge seems to have agreed because he’s been resettled in a prison nearer home. In Bradford. I suppose that’s Yorkshire still, sorta.

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Show comments
  • Cornelius Bonkers

    OK, I’d need a change of scenery too. But Tykes aren’t all that either. On a holiday in that sainted county I was presented with a plate of “ham” which, given the ratio of meat to fat would have passed easily for whale or walrus. I have a suspicion this was their gritty way of welcoming effete metrosexuals like myself in the knowledge and hope that we would never go back.

  • Donafugata

    Avoiding Scousers by going to Bradford where the prison is presumably inhabited by those who need to be called to prayer five times a day. A frying pan/fire situation,
    Punishment indeed

  • The Blue Flash.

    He just wanted to move closer to home, and the poltroons in authority granted him his wish.

  • Hexhamgeezer

    Yorkshireman walks into a pub.

    Blames the pub.

  • James Strong

    I’ve just put up a mild anti-Yorkshireman joke and it’s gone to moderation.

    • John Lea


      • Hexhamgeezer


  • Peter L

    Mr Liddle, as a native Smoggie* you are badly placed to look down on Scousers and Mancs, let alone Bradfordistan.

    *For our Southern chums, Middlesborough is a fine country town on the banks of
    picturesque river Tees, peopled by sturdy yeoman types. Why not try it instead of Tuscany this year?

    • Kingstonian

      Ah yes, Middlesborough. Spent a week there one wet Tuesday afternoon.

      • La Fold

        Worst ST PAtricks day of my life in Middlesborough. Thought id gotten a welsh bird up the duff. Harrwoing stuff.

        • rodliddle

          brough, not borough, you arses.

  • Jez

    There aren’t any prisons in Bradford….. unless they’ve sent him to live here, which (in parts) could be deemed a far harsher sentence than was originally handed to him.

    • La Fold

      Good point, thought there was one in Leeds and the one in Wakefield is for those on the cucumbers aint it?

      • Jez

        Armley & Doncatraz.

      • Jez

        Wakefield is the maximum security one.

        • La Fold

          Ahhh. I knew wakefield was for the head-the-ball types, thats probably why I was getting confused with it being a prison for those on the old section 42.

    • jargee

      From what I read, there are many places that the indigenous are wary about going in Bradford—and consequently they are imprisoned within their own areas anyway !

      • Jez

        It’s not that anymore (that i can see)…… it’s like a pendulum.

        Run up the Rushdie affair- the Indigenous resisted vocally but were demonized and isolated by the council, Labour, education system and government.

        Post Rushdie riots by the Muslims, then the authorities started to utterly cave in to anything the Muslims demanded- the whites / the much smaller Afro Caribbean communities were then socially attacked. Huge numbers just got up and moved to the environs. The 1996 riots (my Grandmother lived in Manningham at the time) great swathes of Bradford burned…. the authorities utterly crumbled in the aftermath and the course was set up for the 2001 riots.

        It’s at this point when there was no go areas from whites/mixed race/non-Muslims.

        Since, there’s been more smaller scale disturbances, a lot of (racist?) assaults against non-Muslims, the 7/7 suicide attacks and then Lee Rigby, raping of yopung non-Muslim children. But now there is no outwardly belligerent behavior by as many from the Mulsim community.

        It is just total Apartheid.

        That’s it really. As an opinion.

  • La Fold

    Christ, locked up with mickeys and the munichs? Surely that is a cruel and unusual punishment. If that was me id be asking for them to bring back capital punishment sharpish. Thankfully when I was incarcerated it was alongside Germans so i could only understand around 10% of what was being said.

  • In2minds

    ” The Scousers with their hilarious ready wit” –

    Indeed, but when Boris Johnson dared to make a remark about these wonderful people, ‘ a deeply unattractive psyche’ – he was forced to apologise. I thought he was stating the obvious.

  • Andrew Saint

    Bradford part of Yorkshire? Maybe 50 years ago…..but now?

  • John Lea

    Reminds me of that old chestnut about the WW1 veteran being asked by his grandson about his experiences at the Somme. ‘Oh it was awful,’ the old chap says in plummy voice, ‘the shell blasts, the mud, the carnage…and the people!’

    (cue: tumbleweed etc) To be fair, told well in a pub environment, this joke CAN be quite amusing.

    • Frank Marker

      It was said by the gay actor Ernest Thesiger and exact quote is “Oh, my dear, the noise! and the people!”

      I can well understand the chap wanting to escape from all those monotone moaning mancies and that relentless scouse humour, but on the same token I wouldn’t want to be banged up with a lot of professional yorkshireman either.

      • John Lea

        Thanks! This is reason why I don’t tell jokes…always get them wrong.

  • Colin56

    I’m surprised that he wasn’t let out by a compassionate judiciary on the grounds that his human rights were impaired by the intolerable company he was being made to keep.