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28 January 2014

3:33 PM

28 January 2014

3:33 PM

You just knew Lembit would make an appearance sooner or later, didn’t you? I only noticed this morning, reading back through some of the weekend papers I’d missed. Anyway, as the Rennard scandal spreads ever wider within the Liberal Democrats, step forward minxy Hannah Thompson, a former ’schoolgirl activist’. According to Hannah, when she was seventeen Lembit Opik somehow acquired one of her shoes and, referring to her as ‘Cinderella’, wouldn’t give it back until she kissed him. Who’d a thunk it. On another occasion he also invited the young lady to share a mudbath with him. Who could resist that? A mudbath with Lembit? And also – of course – he invited Hannah to his boudoir. She didn’t go. She didn’t have the mudbath, either. Lembit denies all of the allegations.

Increasingly the Lib Dems are portrayed as a party populated by desperate, drooling and rather sad men, and women who not only say no but regard every approach from a male as a grotesque transgression of their rights about which, for decades, they will continue to rage.

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  • DougS

    “….Increasingly the Lib Dems are portrayed as a party populated by
    desperate, drooling and rather sad men, and women who not only say no
    but regard every approach from a male as a grotesque transgression of
    their rights about which, for decades, they will continue to rage.”

    It’s not possible to improve on a summary like that!

  • Shorne

    Didn’t somebody describe him as the love child of Bruce Forsythe and Charles Hawtrey?

  • Steve781

    I think you have to make a distinction between sexual proposition and sexual harassment. The allegations against Opik fall into the former, the allegations against Rennard the latter. You don,t have to be politically correct or a militant feminist to find groping unacceptable in the workplace.

  • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

    Sad really, the stock of politicians that have sexual interest without inspiring it. If I want to see a gorgeous man I have to go to the M&S website and ogle the guys modelling coats (especially the chap that does the videos). Whereas politicians are…everywhere.

    • Fergus Pickering

      You see it all the time. Tom cats trying their luck in vain. And you might not believe it, Swanky, but when I was young and eager, ugly girls nuzzled close. The pretty ones were thinner onthe ground.

      • Kitty MLB

        Well clearly when you were young Ladies had not yet
        been created from the rib of man ( which is why they were thin on the ground)
        The ones you knew were at the first stage of evolution,
        Darwin would say swinging from trees ( which is why they were not very pretty) Clearly you have an excellent memory for a very ancient fossil .

        • Fergus Pickering

          Thank you, Kitty. Now I know. I meet pretty girls all the time now, when I am far too old to do anything about it. Is reincarnation a runner, do you think?

          • Kitty MLB

            That is ok, when my transcendental essence is not drinking from the sacred springs
            of Delphi, I do try to be helpful.
            reincarnation ( The reality that the church will always deny exists)
            It depends on what you come back as, you might do a full
            circle and return as a silverback- so that will not be helpful !
            Science may have the answer, particles have been discovered that prove the possibility of travelling faster then the speed of light so therefore the consequences of that
            will be the ability to travel back in time, that might be useful
            for some who might have moribund knocking at the door-
            Not a good look for the ladies !

            • Fergus Pickering

              Thank you again, Kitty. Most instructive.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

        Your last sentence: at least could you get them on the ground. Pretty girls do tend to be thinner, unless they’re Dawn French of an earlier era.

        • Fergus Pickering

          Whoops! I spy a double-entendre. She was only a bookie’s daughter but good for a length on the flat. Nope. Kiss on the doorstep and a long walk back.

  • jacob-crackersvitch

    The Libdumbs certainly seem to historically attract more than their fair share of sexual deviants. I believe Ciaran Goggins is looking for a safe seat.

    • Fergus Pickering

      I think if you said politicians in general it would be more true. Anyway, Lembit is not a sexual deviant unless wearing glasses makes him one.

      • ciaron_goggins

        I am a sexual deviant and proud of it too, my father was and his father before him also. I have a special pair of spectacles that were handed down to me which enable me to see through clothing and read the really small print on documents.

        • Fergus Pickering

          Splendid stuff.

  • saffrin

    Lembit, what a pillock, does he really believe those WAG’s hang off his arm because they adore him?

  • Lord Edmund Moletrousers

    Hopefully he will someday soon be making an appearance in Court as a defendent

  • swatnan

    He should try for Mayor of London. They like oddballs there.

  • Eddie

    And lo, ordinary human relations – otherwise known as the mating game – are categorised and criminalised. What utter tosh!

    All I see is a lot of women (usually called Hannah, or Emily – never Jade or Kylie) who complain about so utterly traumatised because someone once asked them out for a drink, or touched their knee, or even came on to them (probably after signals they themselves gave).

    Such human relations are a messy business – full of misunderstandings and clumsy gauche errors. Sadly, a whole generation of women seems to think this constitutes ‘abuse’ – which thereby devalues REAL abuse cases.

    I watched some old films over Christmas – by todays definitions, most showed cases of grooming, harassment, abuse etc. Ergo there is something wrong with today’s definitions – and I see nothing at all wrong with coming on to groupies either (but then, I did used to be a minor pop star).

    Attention-seeking, victimhood-craving, compo-chasing chancers, the lot of em. They should be looked in a room naked with nothing but eels for company, and made to listen to DLT 24/1.

    Or we could do what pity party feminists seem to want and arrest any man who has ever come on to a woman (though they seem happy not to condemn young drunk women who grope young men every weekend in the bars of Britain).

    • MikeBrighton

      Imagine what will happen in 40 years time in 2054, Lembit will appearing in court “he asked me back to his place” an outrageous violation of my wimmins rights the b*stard

      • Eddie

        Indeed – I used to laugh at YouTube sketches about men and women having to sign contracts before ‘dating’. Those days are now here.
        As it is, if a man phones (or emails) a woman he fancies twice he can be arrested for harassment; and wanting to infantilise oneself and be a victim seems all the rage amongst women these days.
        However, some women I know think it’s all ridiculous, and that what people are getting arrested or suspended for is in no way, shape or form abuse, so women are not all barking bonkers compo-chasing minxes.

    • disqus_KdiRmsUO4U

      On tonight’s Newsnight discussing sexual harassment of wimmen Anne Leslie reached out and touched Paxman’s knee.

      Paxo grinned but I was offended.
      Where do I complain ?

      • Fergus Pickering

        I think it’s all right for old people to touch up other old people.to touch up other old people. If Lord Rennard had patted Shirley Williams’ bottom last week it would have been OK.

      • Eddie

        It is in fact a recommended thing on MBA and management courses for female managers to manipulate staff by coming over all touchy-feel and huggy. A particular hatred of mine is the gentle touch/stroke on the forearm. So many women managers do that these days, usually when trying to get you to do something for them as a favour. I hate it hate it hate it!
        I know EXACTLY what these women are trying to do – in a word: manipulate. They do this by coming over as mumsy-concerned. To female staff they can play the best friend (weak women employees adore this sort of girly support, and are too dim to see how calculated it is). To male staff they can be flirty to get what they want.
        Thank crikey I am now self-employed so no longer have such managers. I think I’d prefer a hand on my knee than that uber-manipulative femi-stroke on the forearm.

    • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

      YOU used to be a minor pop star?????! Are you kidding? Let’s hear all about it!!!!

      • Fergus Pickering

        Snap.

        • Eddie

          Oh gosh, I wish I hadn’t said that now…
          When I said minor, I meant VERY minor. Known by hundreds, probably, or maybe just over 1000.
          But a record or two and a foreign tours incl groupies provide occasionally pleasant (and usual embarrassing) memories as I age disgracefully and start to lose all sensation in my extremities…

          • Fergus Pickering

            A La Recherche, don’t you know?

            • Eddie

              Indeed. Every time I smell beery vomit, reefer smoke and cheese and onion crisps I am transported back to my wasted youth…

              • Fergus Pickering

                Nostalgie de la boue?

              • pedestrianblogger

                You’re not Lemmy, by any chance?

                • Eddie

                  No, not Lemmy. I envy his royalties though, if not his warts.
                  He’s originally from Mon (Anglesey) in north Wales, I believe – a beautiful place, and site of the murder of 30,000 druids by the Romans I believe, but far to pretty and peaceful for him (he now lives in Texas I believe). He is also pushing 70, which is way older than me!

                • pedestrianblogger

                  I saw Motorhead (sorry, I can’t do umlauts) at the Toby Jug in Tolworth when they were just starting out. There were about a dozen people in the audience and only my friend Steve and I applauded throughout the performance. At the end of the gig, Lemmy asked if anybody could put the band up for the night as otherwise they would have to sleep in the van. My musical tastes have changes somewhat since then but Lemmy’s bank balance hasn’t suffered as a consequence. It was Suetonius Paulinus who massacred the druids and their followers while Boudicca was sacking Colchester and indulging in her own massacre. Happy days!

              • rodliddle

                who are you, Eddie? I demand to know, as the portal-conduit thing for this board………….

                • Eddie

                  I promise to tell you if any of my songs ever becomes a hit…(or one of my books for that matter).
                  But really, I was a very VERY minor musician/pop star so you will definitely never have heard of me – and our band was known to hundreds, and north of Watford too. I signed my autograph a grand total of four times, and when I get a royalty cheque every few years, it is never over £200.
                  By the way – ‘portal-conduit’? That sounds like something eaten by French peasants.

                • rodliddle

                  Betcha I’ve heard of them, especially if they were from north of Watford. Part of me yearns for it to be Slaughter and the Dogs, or Ed Banger and the Nosebleeds.

                • Eddie

                  Oh yeah, I forgot you were/are an Indie music fiend.
                  Well, we were one of the smallest or the smallest most chaotic bands in northern England around 20 years ago. One vinyl single, an album, a foreign tour. Then we exploded.

                • dwmf

                  I do believe you are Edward Tudor-Pole, of the Ten-pole Tudor pop group. Oorah oorah oorah oowhy-aye. I claim my five pounds.

                  I also noticed you rabble-rousing in King’s Landing during the siege. Is Wilko still happily chopping heads?

                • Eddie

                  Sorry, no –
                  1) he is way too well know (I did say I was hardly at all famous and neither was the band I was in);
                  and 2) my real name isn’t Edward! That’s an interweb alias ting – though even if I did use my real name, you wouldn’t know me. Promise! I was one of many thousands who were in bands in the late 80s/early 90s.

          • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

            So what you’re saying is, your real name is Mike Berry.

            • Eddie

              Mike Berry? Who he? Sounds like one of Santa’s elves.

    • Fergus Pickering

      You were a pop star, Eddie. Can you post one of your records. We’d all love to her it.Or even just a picture.

      • http://ajbrenchley.com/ Swanky

        Seconded!

  • ADW

    An utterly shameless, publicity-seeking non-celeb and career politician. Is there anyone who better sums up everything wrong with C21 Britain?

    • Fergus Pickering

      Lots of people, about a hundred of them in the House of Commons.

  • Baron

    Rather unfair, but the man’s face makes one realise God does have a sense of humor.

    • Eddie

      I am sure Armpit Toothpick has had few in his time. They may well have been horses or sheep – and probably rare breed Estonians – but a good few anyway.
      And maybe scores of girls too. He’s rich you see, (from the Estonian upper class of intellectuals, grandson of a national hero), and for some reason women seem to find men with their pockets stuffed full of cash strangely attractive, no matter what they look like.

      • Lord Edmund Moletrousers

        the Estonian upper classes collaborated with the Nazi’s in WW2 & many of them escaped justice after the war

        • Fergus Pickering

          Didn’t the Upper Classes everywhere, including here, collaborate with the Nazis. They saw, rightly, that they were much more threatened by the disciples of Uncle Joe.

          • Eddie

            Ah yes, but wasn’t Lenin himself upper-middle class?

            And did not the commies just replace one upper class with another?

            • Kitty MLB

              Well he was surrounded by peasants quixotically
              waving little red flags ,anyone living within the suffocating
              smog of socialism who could put two words together
              probably were probably thought of as upper- middle class?
              Education was considered Middle class- keep
              them illiterate and downtrodden and they will always be socialists.

            • Fergus Pickering

              Probably. Bloody fool.

          • Noa

            Well, those with foreskins did. Those without often supported the more luxurient whiskers and policies of their beloved comrade.
            Given the results its difficult to tell which of the two choices was the worst. I doubt you’ll find too many aristos admitting to their families supporting Adolph though.

  • Hexhamgeezer

    Hasn’t ANYONE tried to proposition Sandy Toksvig?

    • Luke R

      I told her to wind her neck in once, if that counts

    • Luke R

      I once told her to wind her neck in, does that count?

      • Hexhamgeezer

        I think she took your advice by the looks of it..

    • Fergus Pickering

      Lots of red-blooded chaps like you, I’m sure.

  • James Strong

    FFS.
    If what Ms. Thompson claims Lembit did can be called ‘allegations’ then, along with most of the male readers of this blog I am sure, I must hold my hands up and turn myself in for offences against wimmin.

    • James Strong

      Oops, sorry. Most of the male readers of this blog who are not gays or neuters.

    • Fergus Pickering

      How did the mubath go, fellow?

  • Bill Brinsmead

    Didn’t he once pull an alien? Oops, Sian, don’t mean you.

  • Daniel Maris

    At least they don’t make clandestine arrangements for people to be silenced by a bullet these days. Progress of a kind!

  • La Fold

    Is it just me or is the House of Commons seeming to become a series of outtakes from an episode of the Inbetweeners?

    • M. Wenzl

      I think originally he was an actor playing a character for a comedy, but got so lost in the character that he’s become him.

    • wobble

      Adams family……

  • sfin

    Hmmm! Bit of pattern emerging here…still, the image makes a change from beards and sandals! Not sure it’s going to translate too well at the ballot box though.

  • sarahsmith232

    shouldn’t that read – ‘regard every approach by a males like Renard and Lembit as grotesque’? Yep, with that a person could relate.

    • Fergus Pickering

      Well I dunno. I know women who wouldn’t say noto a mud bath with Lembit.

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